I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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