How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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