You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
