he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize