Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
