Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
