so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
