i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
