if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
