i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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