I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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