there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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