yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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