if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
