so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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