The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
