One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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