I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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