Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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