even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This house was built for laser tag.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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