just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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