Your face is a jimmy john
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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