So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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