i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
