Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
