they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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