He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize