Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize