Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
