do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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