id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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