When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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