It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
