Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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