I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
