____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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