Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
