yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
