We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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