he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I deserve this hangover.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
