maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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