my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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