textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
