just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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