i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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