You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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