I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
