Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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