I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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