Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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