He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
