She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
