dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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