im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The adults are the big ones right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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