Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
