so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
