matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
