I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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