All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
