I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
