I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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