On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
