Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
