Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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