His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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