Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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