Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
