I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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