dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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