I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
