Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
