Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
