SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
