2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
