We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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