If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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