Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
