oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
