did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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