Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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