very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
